Desire, Deserve and Confusion

            During the third year of my Under Graduation I was happened to listen a speech of Mr.Dhwaraganathan, HR, Brakes India Ltd, which was arranged by my college placement department, but actually it was a void benefit to them, they were not able to make Brakes India to recruit in my college(I think it was their thought behind arranging that seminar).

            But I myself received a notable part from his speech, it was his own story (he told). During his schooling it was a compulsion for his batch mates to involve in any sport(he didn't mention the school name). He joined in shuttle. on that immediate evening he went to his father and asked for a new racket. On that day there were two brands in shuttle racket. One was a local brand (named Narayana) and another was a quality famed foreign brand(I forgot that brand name) he asked for the second one to his father. His father admired his interest in shuttle and in the next evening a Narayana racket was bought to him by his father. He again asked for that foreign brand, his father refused even to tell the reason. He threw Narayana and went with disappointment. His father didn't mind about that. He decided that he would start his practice only after getting his desired brand. But his coach wanted him to bring a racket immediately, then no other way to him than start playing with the Narayana. He played with it. After some days of practising...... practising...... practising....., he became a qualified player in shuttle.

            One day he got selected for a prestigious level of competition by his school. Then his father bought him a racket which he desired first. he asked, "I didn't ask this now". His father replied "but, you deserve this now". By the time you asked this, you were not actually deserved for this. Anything should be given to a person who deserved it, but not for a person who desired it. His father told(actually its one of the concepts in sanatana dharma which is not followed today).

            After a long gap this story is coming in my mind again, while thinking about recent happenings. One such event is I recently appeared for an exam. In which I scored a decent mark, it is decent under the condition that I didn't prepare for that. In general, it's not a good score and it's not going to help me. Many people are asking me why didn't you prepare? or why did you write without preparation?.

            I have a habit of speaking to myself. I asked the same questions to myself. Why didn't you insist me to prepare. Why did you insist me to write? Myself replied "To check whether you deserved or not".

            Okay, I accept that what I deserve is more important than what I desire, now I am asking myself to tell the result, I am asking myself what your observation says, Am I deserved for this. but, myself is not replying and keeping quiet, I think myself also confused. Anyone please make me and myself clear......